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Friday, September 3, 2010

Jittery

Maybe it was the coffee. More likely it was the fact that the boy was in tears in my friend's arms as soon as I came back to the park from the coffee shop. I wiped his nose with a tissue and then took him from her. He cried as he rested his seat on my shoulder. Tears and shot streaked his face.

Ever since then I have felt jittery.

For a long time he wouldn't leave my arms. He clung to me. There were moments when he would be happily distracted and I could gulp a breath but then he would remember that I had left him or that he wasn't in my arms where by all rights he should be and he would start to cry again. I tried to comfort him. When I asked him where it hurt he said teeth as he pointed to his jaw.

So I walked with him in my arms while the lady from the community newspaper took our picture and I felt jittery. I felt embarrassed that I was the one with the crying child. I felt silly that all the other parents at the park saw me having my picture taken and I wondered if they wondered why. I felt strange talking about me.

When I saw the girl go to bite her friend because he wouldn't give her a fishing net they had found at the park and the boy started to cry as soon as I went to get her, I knew it was time to go. Time to be at home. It was better at home. The boy stopped crying and clinging. The girl played with her little friends.

Now there is a moment of silence for me. The boy is napping and the girl is watching a much anticipated video. And I still feel jittery.

3 comments:

  1. My oldest daughter was an unbelievably fussy baby/toddler and it made me jittery all the time. Whenever I was with her, all I thought about was fending off the tears and tantrums. It made me jittery, and it never really went away even though she is now a delightful eight-year-old.
    It changed me forever.

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  2. I am pretty much always jittery at playgrounds when I have both children with me. There's so much to keep your eye one, and really such frequent disasters.

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  3. There are few moments when I'm alone with them and out that I don't feel on edge. Always. It just seems crazy with two. When things aren't going smoothly it makes it all the harder. Hugs to you! You are a super mom.

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