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Sunday, July 4, 2010


I am trying to be patient. I take lots of deep breathes. I think before I speak. I keep in check the new voice that has emerged in the last week; deep and firm it sounds so unlike me.

Still she pushes me. She continues to lick me after I politely ask her not to. She tickles me until it isn't fun anymore. She comes running to tell us that she has drawn the length of wall with a pen, even though she knows she isn't supposed to. She throws sand at the park and then asks if it is on the new list of family rules we hung up on the wall. When I say yes, she does it again.

Is this four? Because four is coming and I am no longer eagerly anticipating it.

But I hug her hard every chance I get. I rest my hand on her head so we will both be reminded of our connection. I rub her leg as she sits beside me so she will know I am there. And I try so hard to be present with her.

I watched her at the park this afternoon. I made the moment stop so I could etch in my mind the sight of her standing beside the lifeguard in her navy blue polka dot bathing suit, pink heart shaped sunglasses on and glass of lemonade in her hand, watching the ruckus in the pool. Taking it all in.


  1. I recently wrote about the frustrations of age three, which I have found to be most difficult (so far!) with both of my kids. I haven't reached four yet with the girl though, so we'll see.

    I've also found five to be more difficult than four.

    Each child is unique I guess. Your description of four sounds like a good combination of all that frustrates me right now with the three year old and the five year old!

  2. She's testing you. Do you have set consequences to breaking the rules? Once she learns that if she does something that breaks the rules she gets a consequence she doesn't like and when she follows the rules she gets something she likes (like a hug or more time doing fun things) then she'll pick the good behavior more often. It's a learning thing and she's smart so it shouldn't take her too long.

  3. Don't you find that they test...then things calm down....then they test.....then they come down...we just turned a corner with Maude...things are just a wee bit happier around here these days...thankfully it seems as though the kids have their hard times at different times...