I miss you.
I spend my mornings with your brother. We go to the park, to the museum, to the grocery store. We sit in a cafe and he eats eggs while I drink my coffee. We play and laugh.
I pick you up from preschool. We rush to get home and put your brother down for his nap. I fix you lunch. The busyness of the morning catches up with me and I feel tired.
I let you sit and watch tv while he naps so that I can sit quietly by myself. I have reconciled the presence of television in our lives, even though I used to think I would never let you watch it. Now I turn on a video just so I can grab a moment for me.
It's not the use of videos that make me sad. It's that I don't spend time with you just the two of us. Your brother gets the fun me. The morning me that has more energy. You get the early afternoon me that wants to nap or sit and read a book. You get a me that wants to rest instead of play.
And so I miss you. I miss playing and laughing and engaging with you.
Even though I am sitting next to you on the couch.