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Friday, June 11, 2010

Missing you

I miss you.

I spend my mornings with your brother. We go to the park, to the museum, to the grocery store. We sit in a cafe and he eats eggs while I drink my coffee. We play and laugh.

I pick you up from preschool. We rush to get home and put your brother down for his nap. I fix you lunch. The busyness of the morning catches up with me and I feel tired.

I let you sit and watch tv while he naps so that I can sit quietly by myself. I have reconciled the presence of television in our lives, even though I used to think I would never let you watch it. Now I turn on a video just so I can grab a moment for me.

It's not the use of videos that make me sad. It's that I don't spend time with you just the two of us. Your brother gets the fun me. The morning me that has more energy. You get the early afternoon me that wants to nap or sit and read a book. You get a me that wants to rest instead of play.

And so I miss you. I miss playing and laughing and engaging with you.

Even though I am sitting next to you on the couch.


  1. Yes I totally understand, except it seems its my oldest that gets the fun me, him being more demanding and my youngest so content to play nearby. I have him in preschool two half days a week now and I just love the time I get with her, just us.

  2. This post really struck a chord with me. I feel exactly the same, especially about the TV. I use it too, to get some work done and have a rest while my son naps. You have my empathy.

  3. i miss the jellybean when i am at work and then when i am home with him but i have to make supper, get the laundry on and get him ready for bed at a reasonalbe hour, while arguing with him. i hope he doesn't miss me as much or my poor heart will ireparedly break.