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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mom.Me.

I'm going out tonight she said to me as we walked the kids home from school. I just need to go out and not feel like a mom for a bit! I nodded my head like I understood, but I didn't. Not then anyway.

Days later as I walked hand in hand with the husband, the kids at home with a babysitter, it hit me. This was something we used to do all the time before kids. Walk hand in hand, him and I. To get groceries, to go to the movies, on the way to work. We would talk as we walked. We would just be.

And for the first time in what seems like forever I felt like me. Not like a mom, but that me I used to be.

I try to take time to myself when I can. I grab snatches of it during the day if both kids nap or if I let her watch some tv. At night I sit quietly by myself, reading, watching tv or playing on the Internet, trying to recharge myself for the next day.

I am so used to being a mom, spending my days doing mom things like wiping noses and breaking up fights, that I stopped seeing myself as anything else. It became who I am. Mom equaled me.

I am starting to remember that other me. It's been a long time, though, since I have last seen her. I hope we can get reacquainted. The two parts of me.

14 comments:

  1. I had a day out on my own yesterday....bliss. I feel guilty though. I hope you get more 'me' moments. :0)

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  2. "me" and not "mom-me" days are important. it reminds you that you are also an individual that has needs and wants, instead of always catering to others' needs and wants.

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  3. Good for you - it's very hard and I often fall victim to falling down the mom hold trap and not being able to get out. Sometimes having 3 little people need me every minute of every day 7 days a week is too much "mom" . . . I think I have a way to go before I can get back to remembering who the non-mom-me used to be.

    Good luck getting reaquainted with the old you :)

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  4. It's really important to take time when you can. Enjoy it.

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  5. Yes, good luck getting acquainted with the old you. Certainly it's easy to get lost in mommyhood. After all, being a mom is a pretty amazing role to have. But we need to remind ourselves of the other facets of our being.

    I'm going out tomorrow evening with two girlfriends, something I haven't done in months! Really looking forward to it but you can bet that as good of a time as I know it will be, my mind will wander a few times to thoughts of my daughter. Such is being a mom. ;)

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  6. I find myself craving me time much more often these days. I think with the reality that D2 is going to be attached to me for at least a few more months (before I can get out without him needing to nurse) makes me crave it all the more. Also because my other boys are so much older I had enjoyed quite a lot of me time. But then I also see the light at the end of the tunnel. That time will return. Glad you are making time for yourselves!

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  7. It's so important to find balance between the "me" and the "mom-me". Recognizing it is a great first step. Try to make more time for yourself without the children... go out with girls, have more date nights with the husband. I know it's hard - especially if you don't have family around - but it's worth it. And you need it. You deserve it. Have fun getting reacquainted with you. :-)

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  8. I think the hard part isn't taking the time, the husband is great with the kids and I can happily leave them together, but remembering that I should/ need to take it. Remembering that there is another me.

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  9. Today I can't imagine that there is any 'non-mom' me. I am just too tired. But other days, I see her. She's kind of cool. I think I liked her.

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  10. Can I have a non-Mom month?
    Please?

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  11. Snatching moments to ourselves is what I call "trying to live an entire life in the span of a nap." It isn't really feasible, even though it's the most we can often get. I really believe in the healing powers of the opportunity to reconnect with the adult we are as opposed to the parent in us and for longer periods than just snippets. Like, a whole slice of a day or longer. It's tough figuring it out, but when it happens it's so amazing because the new person you are is so worth getting to know.

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  12. I love the title of this post.

    I'm possibly more selfish than most ... but my GOD do I make it a super-duper priority for "me" time. (It is, however, usually between the hours of 9pm and midnight, squirreled away in front of my beloved internetz.)

    If I don't get time to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee at least once a day, I will carve my brains out with a very blunt spoon.

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  13. I really started to feel that again when I went back to work, and it helped. I treat myself to one night out every week. The thing is, I usually meet a friend for coffee, which is great, but sometimes I need to remember to just be alone, really recharge and refocus. I hope you see more that lady in the coming weeks, months. I bet you'll enjoy having her around again.

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