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Friday, April 9, 2010

Fine

I hate that word.

Fine.

It is the word I feel like I should say when people ask me how are you? The word that I think people want to hear from me instead of the truth. A pretending word.

Fine.

It implies that everything is alright. Everything is going along as expected, as hoped, according to some plan.

Fine

I hate it, but I say it. I say it when good is too much of a lie, but I don't want to share my reality with the person asking. I don't want to tell them that I'm tired and impatient and frustrated and worn out.

Fine

Maybe I already told them all of that yesterday and I don't want to have to say it all again. Maybe I don't want the judgments that will come with my truth, even if it is only a flicker I imagine in their eyes.

Fine

I am not depressed. I am not unhappy with my life. I do see the beauty and joy in the everyday.
I love my family.

But I am not always fine.

13 comments:

  1. Eloquently. That is how you write. Eloquently.

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  2. it's fine not to be fine. ;-) none of us are all the time, but we never say it. i think that is a woman's flaw. we feel we can't burden our "un-fine-ness" on others. but if we can't do it with our woman friends, who can we do it with?

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  3. I use 'going along' myself...

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  4. Sometimes I use "moving along". Sometimes I go ahead and answer, tired or grumpy or running behind. The reaction can sometimes be surprising. A lot of people will tell me,"oh, me too". Sometimes they seem relieved to say it.

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  5. I often say "oh fine" or "good" but it laced with all kinds of "don't believe me, it's not really fine, but I'm telling you what I'm supposed to say, and really I don't want to talk about it so let's leave it at that". I wonder if my "fine" communicates as much as I think it does ;)

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  6. I have a whole different definition of fine. Fine, to me, means "I really don't want to get into the long discussion that would result if I were to attempt to answer whatever question/comment/request you just asked/said/made so I'm just going to say 'fine,' okay?"

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  7. It's funny how women generally understand "fine" as you've described it, but men (aka boyfriends and husbands) interpret it literally. If you say you're fine, to a man, everything really is fine.

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  8. Fine is my 3 year old's new favourite word. When I ask him to stop doing something, he says "FINE!" I have no idea where he got that.

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  9. I usually use 'same as ever', with a smile. Pretty much says it all. If people know me, they know what it means. If not - they take it with the smile to mean ... well, 'fine'.

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  10. I also hate the word "fine". But we all use it. It's just another one of our ways to avoid actually saying what we're thinking and avoid any conflicts or uncomfortableness with others.

    When people tell me they are fine, I know what it *really* means. If it's a friend I'll tell them it sure doesn't sound that way! If it's a colleague or acquaintance I'll just say "that's good!" and move on (like they hope I will!).

    And by the way, it is very clear that you love your family and that you see the beauty and joy in the everyday... Your writing helps me see it too.

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  11. I'm guilty of using alot of "fine" too...usually I'm thinking the other person doesn't really want to know. The answer would require speaking too long...and actually probably thinking too long, too.

    Love this post...the way you expressed it. It's really more than "fine"!!

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  12. Mate, you know what "fine" means?

    Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

    I'M FINE.

    Heh. I promise I won't swear on your blog again. xo

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  13. I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses fine when they really, really don't mean it. But now I plan to use @edenland's definition of fine and say it ALL THE TIME. Because in my head I will really mean what she said. :-)

    I also like the "going along" and "moving along" responses. They trump my "hanging in there" which I also sometimes say.

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