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Friday, January 22, 2010

Again

It snuck up on me.
All of a sudden it was there.
I became tired.
I was cranky.
I was sad.
I was no longer me.

Wednesday I woke up and
the world seemed bleak.
Nothing was good.
Everything was wrong.
Including me.

I made it through the morning,
dropping the girl at school,
meeting friends.
By the afternoon I was done.
Done being the mother.
Done being me.

I had hoped that I had outrun these feelings.
That two pregnancies had
rebooted my body somehow.
That I was changed.
I had hoped.

On Wednesday I was overcome with despair.
The feelings washed over me
making everything seem hard,
making everything I did seem wrong.
Then I was sad some more.
Sad for the kids.
Sad that once a month this is the
mother I will be.

12 comments:

  1. Oh man, I hear you. I get in this zone where I feel just such irrational rage. I usually recognize it and manage to rein it in, but it takes so much effort. Everything just irritates me so much, even the silliest little things. It only lasts about half a day for me, but it's awful.

    I was actually in that zone when the events of my latest post occurred, which is probably why the kids were driving me around the bend more than usual.

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  2. A great poem which describes me perfectly too. I thought I was 'rid' of it until about four months ago...youngest is now two and a half. I hate it, it's as though I am possessed and completely at the mercy of 'it' ! Horrible isn't it.

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  3. I hate it when it all comes back. Hate. It. It's almost enough to make me want to have another baby, temporary and questionable as that solution may be.

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  4. I have one word and that's Vitex. I take a tincture of this stuff daily and it sure helps level out those hormonal swings.

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  5. Oh man, that is hard. I am so not looking forward to mine coming back. I get very emotional as well. Hugs

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  6. Yuk. I know that feeling. I think the guilt for feeling like a bad mother makes it 10x worse. At least it does for me. Tomorrow will be better. Or at least next week. Hang in there!

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  7. Oh wow yes.

    I was thinking about you yesterday in Chapters! I saw a line of products that said "Keep Calm and Carry ON" (old WWII posters from Britain that are de rigeur on water bottles and journals now). The fun part was underneath, there was pink ones identical to the red above, but they said "Keep Calm and have a Cupcake".

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  8. Hugs... I don't what to say but I feel it too.

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  9. It's no fun - I can completely and totally relate. I find the weather doesn't help either - when it's cold and yucky out the feelings seem to set in even harder.

    Hang in there :)

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  10. Grim as you were feeling, somehow you still managed to make your morning visit the high-point of your friend's week. She's so grateful for those mornings! And she can clearly see how lucky the girl and the boy really are.

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  11. What a joy to be a woman. We feel so much, good stuff and bad stuff. It's intense, it's beautiful and ugly all at the same time. There are days when I simply can't stand myself so I go to bed. Thankfully I have months between these bouts, but they often catch me off guard. I feel for you and hope things got better quick.

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