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Monday, October 26, 2009

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I have been feeling sad. Run down and sad. Tired of the go go go of life with two kids. Overwhelmed by the incessant demands of her and him.

I thought a break would help. I had planned to go to Montreal last weekend but I didn't go. He is teething, she has been sleeping horribly and the cat is still missing. I felt too guilty to leave the husband alone. I didn't want him to be overwhelmed too.

I feel tense inside. I'm not sure what to do about that.

I'm not sure what to do about this blog either. I have been writing less here. Not all the posts in my head get written up. I have been afraid that I am revealing too much. Too much honesty about my struggles. I go back and forth about stopping.

It is Monday morning and the week before me seems long. I have to go and start the day.

17 comments:

  1. lots of love from Winnipeg - mo

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  2. We need the contact. You're offering your experience to us.
    Dad

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  3. I know that feeling all to well. Hope things brighten up soon.

    xox

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  4. Sometimes when we get overwhelmed, I believe the Maslow hierarchy kicks in and we cease doing the things we love to do because we are simply surviving (food, water, shelter kinda stuff). Then, when the tension eases, it is hard to get back into what we loved because we can't remember how to be enthusiastic.

    For the last year I have been in a constant state of "catch-up" on my sleep, and therefore, my energy and drive to do the things I love was nada. Now that I am getting a bit more sleep, I want to scrapbook, write, ride... and I'm not sure where to start.

    I for one have loved the poetry and more insightful work you have been posting, listening to the phase you are going through as your son becomes a toddler and adds to the chaos that is a home with your daughter already one. Its not easy! (I can't imagine it, we were exhausted chasing just my son around the Home Depot yesterday while we got shelving). Its ok for your blog to reflect emotion. You may read back over it in six months and think "who was that crazy woman?" but you will have recorded the moment, and over time that will become important!

    Have you thought about Vitamin D supplements? I'm not sure what the level allowed is for nursing moms, but we are looking into it for the winter since both my hubby and I get grumpy without sun. That might help the tiredness and tenseness we seem to have. I'll let you know if I find out what supplement type is best, since I am still nursing (a bit).

    *hugs* from one Ottawa woman to another. Thinking warm and calming thoughts for you today.

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  5. One thing about posting the honesty is the responses and knowing you aren't going through it all alone. I often switch back and forth about how much to post, how honest to be.

    I felt more than run down, stressed and who knows what else about 6 months ago. Sat down and made a plan to give myself more energy, more time and figure out what worked best for our whole family, not just one of us. It really helped.

    Good luck for the week. The sun is shining today so be sure to take at least one moment (even if it is just a few seconds) for yourself in the fresh air and sunshine today!

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  6. When I'm having days like yours (and you bet I do) I try not to think about the entire week, just making it through the day and about what I can do when they both finally go to bed: a coffee date with a friend, a late movie, a walk alone...

    Leave your 'eyes on *that* prize' and just try to work through making it, one day at a time.

    Hugs from one feeling sad mommy to another.

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  7. *hugs*
    I really enjoy your blog... the honesty is refreshing. If it becomes a chore, stop. If it's a respite and a place to share, vent and interact... then it's probably still a good thing.
    :)

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  8. I was in your shoes a month ago. Sometimes you just get a place where it all seems too overwhelming. I was able to go away for a few days and that really helped. If you can't get away, what about a coffee date with a friend.. even just a few hours to yourself might do wonders.

    The thing about the blogosphere, you're never really alone in what you're going through.. take care!!!

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  9. I very much admire your honesty in your posts. I think that it is refreshing and brave. It reminds me that other great moms (and I know you are one - because I have seen you in action!) may also on occasion spend their time in frustrating and less than rewarding pursuits with their kids (like spending 30 minutes trying to get their son to remove his own shoes...but I digress). I would say, however, that if you are finding that being so frank and honest on your blog is not helpful to you, then you needn't continue. I would be sad (for myself), but I would understand completely. A blog is meant to be a useful and cathartic undertaking for the writer.

    BTW - We often go out for a drink on Wednesday nights around 8:30 (post kid bedtime). E-mail me if you would like to join. You would be most welcome...

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  10. Do you have Mother's Day Out programs? Maybe a one day a week "day off" will help. Some offer a month to month program. It would at least give you one day to yourself for a few hours?? If not, maybe your Mom's group can share kid watching duties for an hour or so, you would have your turn to watch other's children...but sometimes it is easier to have a friend over to divert attention off of you! I wish I could be more help...hope you start feeling better soon, and I really like hearing of your trials, it helps me "figure" stuff out myself by knowing that I am not alone in my struggles!! Good Luck!! xo

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  11. Thank you all. What kind words. The day has been more challenging than I hoped but writing this post and reading all your comments has really helped. I know that acknowledging my feelings always makes me feel better. I guess I am just trying to find the line between writing for me and worrying about what people reading this blog think. Maybe that is am ongoing process.

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  12. I'm sorry you've been run down and sad. Monday mornings can be like that, I think. And whatever you decide about the blog, I will be here. :)

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  13. I think your blog is an amazing achievement. Your honesty and courage in writing what you feel is really inspiring.

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  14. I second that .. your honesty is inspiring and I admire that you can put it out there. These years we're living through are likely the most challenging we'll ever go through ..but as my husband said .. the love that these kids of ours gift us with each day . . .they may not make the trying times easier, but those instants of unabashed LOVE from them are sure sweet. Hugs. Hope you keep writing!

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  15. what a rough day. thank you for sharing it all with me. it's blogs like this one that i come back to on a daily basis because i relate to it. the writing is wonderful and the words are always thoughtfully written. don't worry about what people will think about your blog. it's your blog and people can chose to read it or move on to something else. don't put too much pressure on the frequency of your posts. you post when you can.

    take time for yourself. i know everyone says it, but they say it because it's true: you can't take care of your family until you have taken care of yourself. take the time, don't feel guilty and come back to your family ready to love them and your time with them once again.

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  16. you are not alone - very much not alone - in fact I read your blog and I feel a little better - because there is someone else out there who is also going through not such a great time. Please keep writing. Your blog is very different and special in that you do share - the good bits and the bad - that is lovely and brave. Take care and hugs.

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