I am not feeling like myself today. I feel like me from six, seven months ago. Okay fine, two, three months ago. When I was crazy and irritable and impatient. I thought that me was gone but she seems to be back with a vengeance.
I'm not sure why. I do have some theories.
One, I am now getting too much sleep. My body can't handle the fact that I actually get six or seven hours of sleep most nights. It is like my body is angry to have been without sleep for so long and now that it is getting some sleep it is angry it isn't getting more. Most mornings I wake up exhausted and cranky. I want naps everyday. I want to sleep for days. And when I do go to sleep I sleep like the dead. I often don't hear the kids when they wake up in the night, which means the husband has to go and check on them. About the only thing that will wake me up is loud shouting and profanity right underneath our window from the University partiers on the way home from the bars.
My other theory is that the boy's decreased interest in breastfeeding is messing with my hormones. I still haven't gotten my period yet and was kind of hopping that I wouldn't get it until after I weaned him. It didn't come back until two months after I weaned the girl. Which was totally awesome. I don't really want it back, thank you very much. My periods make me crazy. Crazier.
The sum total of this rant is that I am struggling with the kids today. Things that I could normally handle are making me want to cry and scream. When the boy fell asleep in the stroller on the way home from a playgroup and woke up as soon as we walked in the house I lost it. I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and sobbed. The girl came up to me and asked me what are you feeling? I told her I was feeling sad. She hugged me. The boy came over and hugged me too.
I just want today to be over. I will let the girl watch some tv and the boy play with the pots and I will muddle through. I will try to be nice to them and myself.