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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Rant

I am not feeling like myself today. I feel like me from six, seven months ago. Okay fine, two, three months ago. When I was crazy and irritable and impatient. I thought that me was gone but she seems to be back with a vengeance.

I'm not sure why. I do have some theories.

One, I am now getting too much sleep. My body can't handle the fact that I actually get six or seven hours of sleep most nights. It is like my body is angry to have been without sleep for so long and now that it is getting some sleep it is angry it isn't getting more. Most mornings I wake up exhausted and cranky. I want naps everyday. I want to sleep for days. And when I do go to sleep I sleep like the dead. I often don't hear the kids when they wake up in the night, which means the husband has to go and check on them. About the only thing that will wake me up is loud shouting and profanity right underneath our window from the University partiers on the way home from the bars.

My other theory is that the boy's decreased interest in breastfeeding is messing with my hormones. I still haven't gotten my period yet and was kind of hopping that I wouldn't get it until after I weaned him. It didn't come back until two months after I weaned the girl. Which was totally awesome. I don't really want it back, thank you very much. My periods make me crazy. Crazier.

The sum total of this rant is that I am struggling with the kids today. Things that I could normally handle are making me want to cry and scream. When the boy fell asleep in the stroller on the way home from a playgroup and woke up as soon as we walked in the house I lost it. I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and sobbed. The girl came up to me and asked me what are you feeling? I told her I was feeling sad. She hugged me. The boy came over and hugged me too.

I just want today to be over. I will let the girl watch some tv and the boy play with the pots and I will muddle through. I will try to be nice to them and myself.

Rant done.

10 comments:

  1. We all have days like this...hang in there, it will get better. Whenever I have a "crap mommy day" I always tell myself that tomorrow is another day -- time to shake it off, put it behind me, and try again tomorrow.

    I do find that days like this are fewer and fewer as the kids get older and I don't feel so incredibly NEEDED every single second. Sometimes it's just too much pressure.

    My friend Krista always used to say to me, when we had very young babies, "I'm so tired of waking up tired." It's so hard some days to muster enthusiasm for the job.

    All that said, maybe a little bloodwork is called for? A simple iron, vitamin D, or folic acid deficiency can really make you feel exhausted all the time.

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  2. The day just took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to feel like this or fall apart. I think it was compounded by the fact that we did something new today. The girl really isn't big on new things. She likes her routine. I guess she gets that from me.

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  3. I get it! I am there with you most days.

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  4. It seems like your rant did you some good!! :) I have days like that! I have been fighting sinus pains in my FACE...and I just can't function with them. My brain seems to shut down and the whining and fighting from the kids always pushes me to the edge! Those are days I call my husband and tell him he needs to be home EARLY!! :)
    I went the LONGEST without my period with my last one...about 2 months after weaning!! I started about 6-8 months after birth for my girls...I nurse for a year, then slowly start weaning. But I have noticed that I am MORE on EDGE when it gets close to my time....ok, I'll email you...this just seems too "weird" for the comment section :D

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  5. it's always god to vent, isn't it. the dinner post was a lovely post, so i imagine that you are feeling a little more balanced. i still get those days and wish that i didn't, but i guess it's all part and parcel.

    maybe lynn has something, a little blood owrk might help pin point something more than just crankiness. i know it worked for me.

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  6. I think you are totally right about your hormones changing. I felt awful while Miles was weaning and started to sleep the sleep of the dead. But I think it should get better - not worse. I would talk to your doctor if you keep feeling the need to sleep more and more. It can be a sign of other things if your body cannot adjust itself to wake up feeling a least a little refreshed. I really feel for you - the post bfeeding blues is traumatic! I don;t know what I will do when I am weaning my last. Seriously this one might be having to wean as she gets on the school bus :)

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  7. The thought of not having another period is almost enough to make me think about getting pregnant again. Oh, wait. Maybe my period won't be so bad!

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  8. I am way late on this but I am so hoping you are feeling better. When I was all hormonal someone recommended flax seed to help.

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  9. I think we hold ourselves to an impossible standard: be cool ALL the time. It simply isn't realistic. I'm glad you were able to break down and have a good cry. I know it felt shitty, but at least it's OUT OF YOU and not still in there, stewing.

    This, of course, is very easy for me to say to you, but almost impossible to believe for myself. I know it's hard. Keep on keepin' on!

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