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Friday, September 4, 2009

Balloons

When I walked into her room she was standing at her window. "Balloons" she said, pointing at the sky. There framed between two maple trees was a red and white striped hot air balloon. "You're right" I said as I watched it drift across the sky.

"Balloon! Stop!" the girl cried as it disappeared from view. "Balloons don't stop" I said. "They keep going".

It was a year ago during the last hot air balloon festival that the boy was born. I could see half a dozen of them cross the sky as I lay in the hospital bed, the boy in my arms. My mother-in-law made a joke that the balloons were sent up to celebrate his birth. She took a picture.

Despite the fact that he just turned one this week, I am only now feeling the magnitude of the year passing. He is not a baby any more. Gone is the wee little one whose nose took up a third of his face. No more tiny hands and feet. No baby smells. I knew from watching the girl that he would grow too quickly and so I tried to stay present and enjoy his babyhood while I could. Sometimes I was successful but I often I was too tired, too overwhelmed.

I would like to have that baby back for a little while. Just a few hours. I could give him some cuddles. Stoke his hair. Marvel at his beauty.

Then I would want my big guy back. The past year has shown me who he is and taught him so much. He walks everywhere on his own now. He feeds himself with a spoon. He cradles the phone against his head and says "hi". He makes "rrrmmmmm" noises as he pushes a car across the floor. He gives me kisses by pressing his open mouth against my cheek. He learnt to nod his head during a recent 2am snack time. He pretends to wipe my nose with a Kleenex. He happily lies across the body of our cat, nuzzling his head into the cat's fur.

Tonight he was coming out of his room with the husband as I reached the top of the stairs. Dressed in his two piece blue pajamas, a toothbrush in one hand, he toddled over to me and lifted up his arms. Once I picked him up he turned his body back towards his doorway. "Da" he said, letting me know that it was time for me to put him to bed.

Balloons and babies. They don't stop. They only keep going.

5 comments:

  1. lovely post.

    the balloons goes right past us too in the morning. the jellybean saw the big turtle before heading to daycare and was so excited. he kept saying "ribbit ribbit"

    i love this time of year.

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  2. You are really encompassing my thoughts on children and them going off and growing up.

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  3. Lovely imagery! The last line is so true, and very poignant.

    So my son is not the only one who does the open mouth kiss thing... I thought he was just weird... LOL. Being our first child,. we have no idea what to expect next, its quite an adventure.

    I want some of that wee baby time back too, now that I am better able to cope, I want teh snuggly little guy back who wouldn't squirm out of my lap and want to get into everything. Just a few moments, so I could properly take that deep breath and enter into toddlerhood with my shoulders squared.

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  4. Really? He toddles? He feeds himself with a spoon? He willingly goes to bed? Why is it that Biscuit seems so much more like a baby still, despite being born in June? He doesn't do any of these things.

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