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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Our anniversary

Today is our ninth wedding anniversary. We've been together for thirteen and a half years. Happy anniversary to us.

A lot has changed in the past nine years. We have finished University, moved cities, moved within the city, traveled, bought a house and had two kids. We've changed, but not so much that we don't still like each other.

That would be my advice to any couple planning to have kids - make sure you like each other. Yeah, love is important but also important is that you like each other. Really like each other. Have respect for how the other persons lives their life and the choices they make. Be alike in your core values and ideals. Prefer each other to anyone else. Like who they are.

Because once you have kids your relationship will be tested. Speaking from experience, you probably won't like your husband so much at 3 am when you are up with a newborn and he is asleep in the guest room. You won't like him when you are learning how to breastfeed and he is trying to be supportive but all you are thinking is "I hate you. Why doesn't milk come out of your breast". You won't like him when you are tired and irritable and want to yell at the kids but yell at him instead. There will probably be a million other times that you won't like him.

When those moments pass it helps if you can look at him and remember that he is your best friend. That you wouldn't want to do any of this without him. That you couldn't do any of this without him. Look at him and remember how much you like him. Just him. Not what he does, just who he is. Liking each other, liking everything about the other person, liking them enough to see past any momentary unlikeableness will help you get through being a parent.

That is what I have learnt in this past few years. That liking my husband is key to our success as a couple. That and some advice I received from my dad. When I called my dad late one night because the baby girl I was holding in my arms wouldn't go to sleep, and the husband was already asleep, he told me to "be nice to each other". Sounds simple but it can be hard to do when you are too tired to even be nice to yourself.

I didn't get the husband an anniversary gift today. Here is my gift instead. I promise to like you and I promise to be nice to you.

4 comments:

  1. Happy anniversary!

    And can I say a big amen? Having kids is very hard on a relationship. Liking each other is so important. Being able to talk it through is so important.

    Here's to many more happy years for you. :)

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  2. Loved this post! It's so true and well said. Have a great anniversary!

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  3. Happy anniversary!

    Such great advice. You're right - you have to like each other!

    Hope you had a nice day ;)

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