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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Bad moms

I have read a number of blog posts and articles lately about the idea of "bad moms". PhD in Parenting has an excellent post called the typology of the bad mother that provides a summary of the different ways we could define bad mothers. (Just an aside, but you'll notice that the discussion is about bad moms, not bad parents).

I am not a bad mom. I know that.

Sometimes I am a good mom. Those are the days when I feel like everything has gone well, everyone is happy. Sometimes I am a great mom. I have rocked the day by going beyond the normal with crafts, baking muffins and tons of laughter. Sometimes I am an okay mom. The kids are alive, clothed and fed at the end of the day. Some days that has to be enough.

I am not a bad mom. But I struggle. I struggle to be the mom I want to be. I struggle to parent two kids when I am so exhausted I want to cry. I struggle to be patient with a toddler who is learning where my boundaries are and how far she can push me. I struggle to juggle the often conflicting needs and interests of a baby and a toddler. I struggle with how to act and respond in certain situations. I struggle to remember who I am in the midst of caring for the kids. I struggle to find the energy to connect and talk with my husband when all I want to do is finally have time by myself.

I am not a bad mom. But I struggle.


  1. Of course you do! What mother doesn't? I just wrote about this too - about why I am a Good Mother, regardless of my not-so-great days.

    And no, men would not be having this kind of crisis of faith.

  2. I think what makes you a good mom is you struggle, and keep on struggling. That is, you're trying to get it right even if you never can. None of us ever can.

    I've decided that I am a sufficient mother. I am doing my best and it's all OK. It will all be OK.

  3. So well said, I feel the same. I don't think I do my kids justice if I suggest I'm a bad mother. I just try to be as good as I can and learn from my stumbles...

  4. struggling right along side you....