Throughout our recent trip to Toronto the husband and I would check in with each other to see if we thought the pros of the trip were outweighing the cons. By the time we reached home yesterday they were pretty equally weighted. The sights of the girl and boy enjoying their grandma, exploring the hotel and visiting with grandma's friends balanced out the horrible nights of sleep (the girl falling out of bed, the husband wandering the hotel hallways in the early morning) and moments of the girl's tantrums (seeing the husband dunk his head in the pool, not wanting to eat lunch at the museum cafe).
The horror of today has tipped the scale. If this is the fallout from traveling, we are never traveling again. Ever.
The day started off on the wrong foot when the girl woke up way too early after hearing her brother cough in the hallway outside her room. The usual routine of getting ready for school was completely waylaid by hysterical crying and yelling. She wouldn't get dressed, she wouldn't put her shoes on, she didn't want to go. As we were trying to get her into the stroller, we started to doubt ourselves. Maybe she was feeling turned around because of the trip? She was worried that we or her home wouldn't be there after school? So we let her stay home. And the day got better for awhile. But the afternoon was filled with more hysterical tears, no nap, no eating, no listening. She feel off the play structure, flying through the air and turning to land on her face. More tears.
She must just be tired we said to ourselves throughout the day. Early to bed for sure we said. We have been trying to get her to sleep for the last half hour. I can hear her cries of "I'm not tired" and "I want to be awake" from her room down the hall. The husband is sitting outside her door. I have gone in a number of times but she just seems to think that is an excuse to get up. The husband has gone in and it just convinces her it is morning already.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. This entire day has just made me want to stop being a mom. Sometimes I don't think it can get worse and then it does. I have tried to call on all my reserves of patience today. I have tried to put myself in her position and think about all the new experiences and changes over the last few days and how it could be overwhelming for her. But what I really want to do is snap at her and yell at her. Tell her I am tired of her whining and crying. Tell her that I can't take it anymore.
And maybe I can't.