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Thursday, May 14, 2009

I just couldn't stay away

To quote from The Cat Came Back, I just couldn't stay away. (Meow).

Monday was a really hard day. It was a great help to blog about it, but afterwards I just felt bad for complaining. And felt like all I ever do is complain. But then I realized that it is my blog and I can complain if I want to (yes, a second song rip-off). I also reminded myself that I am not forcing anyone to sit down and read these strange ramblings from a strange woman and that made me feel better.

I am happy to say that since Monday things have gotten better. The girl has returned to her normal happy, if sometimes crazy, two-and-a-half year old self. She was doing so well on the trip that I was really unprepared for her difficult adjustment to being back. In fact, I thought she handled the disruption to the routine that the traveling caused better than I did (well except for that melt-down in the cafe where she cried and demanded TWO chocolate cookies quite loudly over live new age flute music). The lesson for me is that while routine is just as important to her as it is to me, she might deal with any changes differently. Next time I will be more prepared for the return to the routine, instead of the disruption of it.

This whole incident has caused me to stop and reflect about why I was so upset on Monday. Stupid self-discovery. What I realized was that I have been taking and have the tendency to take the girl and the boy's behaviour too personally. Sounds funny, doesn't it. Being at home full-time since the boy was born in September I have been completely immersed in those two. They have pretty much been my 24/7. And I think that may need to change.

Not that I am going anywhere. I think I just need to start taking some time for myself. Even if I just go out for coffee for two or three hours every weekend. (With my cell phone of coarse.) I have gotten so used to being with the kids all the time I lost track of the fact that, while I might be able to function without me time, I don't have to and taking that time for myself might actually be good for everyone.

I am also going to try not to feel responsible for everything the kids do. Tied up in my quest to be a "good" mom, I can sometimes blame myself for any crazy or undesirable behaviour from those two. With her numerous melt-downs on Monday, the girl was making me question myself and my parenting. Is this behaviour because of something I did? Does her not listening and screaming mean I am a bad mom?

No. It means she is two going on three. And, as I have been warned, apparently three is worse than two. I am sure the boy will be exactly the same. They are just being kids and testing those boundaries, learning the rules, etc, etc. I can't change them. But I can change me.

My new goal is not to strive to be a "good" mom all the time. Maybe being an "okay" mom is enough sometimes. Maybe being a "mom who made it through the day without yelling at her kids or eating an entire carton of ice cream" is enough sometimes.

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